If you've been following my Lenten blogging, you'll notice that I've left off a Nouwen quote this week; mostly I'm lazy - I have a few books in the bedroom that I could pick from, but I'm in the living room and can't be bothered. My other reason, though, is that I really have little say today, at the end of my Internet fast. I avoided the web for the most part this week (I don't think renewing library books counts), and I'm happy about that. We were out of town for most of the week, which helped. And which also made me tired - in all honesty, I don't have the energy today to come up with some profound observation about the mystic implications of my fast.
I am glad I did this. The past 40 days or so have been one of the most meaningful Lenten experiences of my sacramentalist life. I am particularly struck right now with the way my discipline and my regular life coexisted - it wasn't ever a case of "now I'm fasting, and when I'm done I'll take out the trash", but it was both living and - dare I say worshiping? - at the same time. This is one of aspects of Christian life that I've always known about but had a hard time living. I tend to be black and white, either/or, pro and con. Both/and is a difficult concept for me, particularly in areas like "pray continually" or "give thanks in all things". But when worship or prayer or thanksgiving can be reinterpreted as silence or solitude or grace, I have an easier time integrating those activities with my daily life.
I don't know what I'll do from here. A quick check of my post history will show you that this is the first time I've blogged regularly, and while I enjoy being consistent, I don't know whether I'll continue to be so. Blogging feels really narcissistic to me, especially when it reads more like a journal than an update on my kid and knitting. I don't mind a little narcissism from time to time in the privacy of my spiral notebook, but there's an awful lot of upper-case I's in this post, and it's bothering me. All that to say, I will probably continue to post updates on the family and knitting, and I hope to pound out an introspective essay periodically, but it won't be all about me all the time (and cheers go up from the crowd).
Thank you for all your kind comments, feedback, and for just reading with me on this journey - it's been all kinds of fun, and I look forward to doing it again!
He is Risen!